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CatDog Review/Transcript
Singer: ''Over the river and through the muck'' Hot on the trail of the garbage truck Friends to the end through good and bad weather But l''ife is complicated when you're always together'' CatDog, CatDog Nothin' in the world like a little CatDog (Intro) I watched this show a lot as a kid, but God if I could figure out why. As I said all those years ago when I did my "Top 20 Favorite Cartoon Theme Songs," some people really like this show and some people really didn't, and apparently, I found myself in the latter camp. Sorry to spoil things, but this is one that I really did not like. I thought that I might have found it "okay" or "somewhat mediocre," like my reaction to ''The Angry Beavers, but no. The more that I watched this one, the more that I got annoyed. So what's the concept? It's about a cat...named Cat...and a dog...named Dog...attached at the hip, let's say. I know they say "opposites attract," but this is ridiculous! Cat is stuck up and snooty and Dog is...stupid and dirty. Like every. Other. '''Fucking cat and every other fucking dog character that I've seen in every other cartoon ever. This show has other problems, so let's get this out of the way as quick as possible. But yeah, these are the most cliche personalities that you can give a cat and a dog. Yes, even back in 1998. Just once, I'd like to see the dog more snooty and the cat more gross and stupid. The show is about CatDog doing...this and that, I guess. It's kinda like The Angry Beavers ''or ''Spongebob ''in which they just do whatever in every single episode. But CatDog doesn't even seem to have a job, except occasionally where they get jobs like licking cereal boxtops. That is something that I remember actually viscerally disgusting me like, after I watched that episode I don't think I was able to eat cereal for like a week. Yeah, this show can have a lot of grossout. It's not as bad as some of the former Nicktoons, but there's still veins, snot, and all kinds of bodily fluids! It usually involves Dog. It's usually not that bad, but sometimes the grossout can get 'very 'bad. The less said about episodes like "Teeth for Two" the better. The grossout though, is probably the ''least ''of this show's problems. I don't think you're really getting...how I feel about this show, I think maybe the issue is that I fail to describe the concept accurately. Yes, it is about a cat and a dog attached to each other in some Frankenstein's abomination that should die, but that doesn't give you a good '''feel '''for this show. How would I describe this show the best way that I can? Take Patrick Star, from one of the 'worst 'episodes of ''Spongebob, I'm talking "Smoothe Jazz at Bikini Bottom," "Yours Mine and Mine," '''''that Patrick Star. Then you surgically attach him to Squidward! That is what CatDog ''is about! '''Spongebob: '''We're like brothers...only closer...*lifts Squidward's shirt, revealing that they are literally attached* '''Squidward: '*screams* If there is one word that you could use to describe CatDog, it would be "unfair." Most of the episodes go like this: Dog is an asshole, disgusting, gross, and completely oblivious to the world around him. He's chasing down garbage trucks causing hell for people. Because Cat is forced to follow along by some cruel twist of fate, for some reason he tends to get the blame for all of Dog's antics. Oh, and of course Cat is wrong for trying to change or curve Dog's "natural spirit," despite it causing hell for everyone around him. (While showing clips from the episode "Flea or Die!" a caption reads: '''In this episode, Dog is the SOLE reason the two of them have fleas. Yes, feel sorry for him though.')'' I ''really ''do not like Dog in this show. Cat: '*gasps* Garbage Day! Hold on, Dog! Control yourself! *hiccups* How bout a bone? Or a game of fetch? '''Dog: '''Garbage Day... ''(Cue Cat screaming while being dragged along the street, hitting and being zapped by telephone poles, getting run over by a motorcyclist, and crashing into bowling pins) 'Cat: '*lying on the ground* And I'm through... 'Dog: '*chuckles* You're so funny Cat. Okay, get up. *giggles*...C'mon, get up! ''(A black screen shows a caption reading: '''Just about every episode is like this. Dog chases something. Cat gets hit. Dog chases something. Cat gets hit. Dog chases something. Cat gets hit. For four goddamn seasons.)'' While he ''supposedly ''cares for Cat, he has a problem that a lot of stupid characters have that I cannot stand for the life of me. He is ''so blind ''to the world around him. If Cat was being stung by hornets, Dog would be laughing at the fire hydrant right behind Cat. It sounds like I'm exaggerating, but scenarios like that happen in this show constantly. Maybe I shouldn't be too annoyed though because ''everyone ''in this show is an asshole! Fuck Winslow. Fuck Winslow the Mouse! Winslow's purpose in this show is to do nothing but force in conflict. He has no redeeming qualities whatsoever, and he just randomly lives with CatDog for no reason that isn't explained until the finale movie. All he ever does is cause trouble for CatDog. This is what we call a plot device, it's lazy as hell. But he needs to exist because one of the fundamental rules of CatDog ''is that 'everything has to end as miserably as possible! ''' I did not expect to dislike this show so much, but watching it just...put me in this sour mood. Like, a ''really ''sour mood. It's just the world that it conveys. Despite what Paula Abdul says, no, opposites do not attract. If you truly are the complete opposite of someone else, it's safer for you to get out of the relationship because of the fresh hell that this show is. Actually, let's go talking about "Teeth for Two" because it shows...exactly how this show works. It-it's basically a general rule. Whatever Cat does to his teeth, affects Dog, and vice-versa. So, Cat gets the shaft because Dog doesn't give a shit about his teeth, or Cat's teeth I guess. And worse, he doesn't even listen to Cat trying to get him to care for his teeth, while Cat continues to suffer the consequences. Did you ever have a roommate who wouldn't clean up after themselves? You cleaned up after yourself, but, because they still left their dishes in the sink, the flies are starting to spawn. And you have no choice but to swallow your pride and clean up their mess. Or I guess you can deal with the growing stench and the growing fungus. But you know, you just know, that if you do clean their mess and ''they'll ''know you're willing to clean their fucking dishes! And if you thought it was difficult to get them to do their dishes the first time, try doing it after they know that you're more willing to do it than they are. This is what that scenario looks like in animation form, and it constantly 'reminds me of that frustration. The Greaser Dogs are in this show; their purpose is to beat up Cat at every opportunity. That is literally all they exist for. I know that Cat himself is no saint. He has ''plenty of flaws. Towards the start of the series he was just arrogant. And if you learn anything from cartoons, if a character just wants to go about their business, 'beat the hell out of them until they cut that shit out! '''Wanting to be left alone with your own quiet and peaceful hobbies is a one-way ticket to hell, and these cartoons will not let you forget that. But, later on in the series, Cat became an asshole too. Doing things like driving Dog to hypothermia while he sat inside a warm winter coat. Or making Dog sick so Cat could get a role in a play. And it's like, great! Now I don't like anyone in this show! In many of my reviews, I did exaggerate my anger to make a "show" and really emphasize my point, and I mean I've-I've kinda been doing it in this video alone, but this show here? I won't say that it made me like ''really really angry, but it's a show that just puts me in a '''bad mood, in a way that's hard to describe. It's one of those things that makes you more willing to snap at the little annoyances in your life. It's just that thoroughly unpleasant. And if I'm having a good day, watching CatDog ''is a good way of ending that. Even some of the worst episodes of ''Spongebob ''don't really put me in this state of mind. I get it. ''CatDog ''is a sadist show, and normally I don't like those. Shows where everything ''has ''to go wrong and our protagonist can't win ever. But I don't know how true that is either that sadist shows just aren't for me, I mean ''Drake & Josh ''is a sadist show and I like that. Not all of them have to be like ''Stressed Eric. (More clips of "Flea or Die! are shown and a caption reads: '''For the love of God, just put the flea belt back in the middle. It worked before, why won't it work now?')'' Is this the worst Nicktoon ever? No, but it is the worst of the nineties Nicktoons. And yes, I would rather watch Rocket Power ''than this. I mean, ''Rocket Power ''is lame and dated and full of grommets, but ''CatDog ''is just ''frustrating. And I didn't even touch on Rancid Rabbit. He's basically just another Winslow. Rancid Rabbit is usually in a position of power. He acts like an asshole. That is his character, completely, everything. Everything about his character, that's all you need to know. CatDog usually tries to fight against him to get something. The best you can hope for is both of them losing. But more often than not, the rich asshole wins in the end. I'm sure that'll still be a pleasant character idea twenty years in this show's airing. Oh wait, it's not, it's just a reminder of how terrible life is. But it's all okay because it makes this show...relatable. It reminds you how pathetic life is and how much you will get screwed over at every opportunity. Exactly what I want for my entertainment! Like, the only thing people remember about this show is stupid questions like "How does CatDog use the bathroom?" Dog: '*clears throat* "Dear us, where did we come from? Signed...you and me." And it's like, look, many other cartoon characters walk around with no pants, but without anything visible hanging out, and you don't ask that question there! I mean is this really a question that you want the answer to? I mean people only remember those questions though because the rest of the show is...'not worth remembering. Of our little lineup here, I have to say this is a definite ''skip. ''Doug ''was boring as hell, but I could sit through that. ''Angry Beavers ''didn't really grab my attention, but this one? Like I said, I didn't expect to dislike this as much as I did. I watched it a lot as a kid but, it's like holy hell, what was wrong with me? '''Announcer: '''Next on Nickelodeon, it's- ''(Shows clip of Wild Thornberrys introduction) (This time, there is no end credits music, but instead an audio clip from Family Guy) '''Peter: '''Oh yeah, you know, good ol'...C-C-Cat...Cat-Cat-CatDog! Right? You're a CatDog! (singing) CatDog...CatDog! (unintelligible) CatDog! Hey where's the, wh-you know what, where's all the poop go? When a cat, when in-in the CatDog when the cat poops...what does it, come out of the dog's mouth? And-and vicea-versa? Oh god...oh that's...that's some kind of living hell! That's some...that's some kind of living hell, Brian! Okay I gotta go you-you have a good time with Jenny. Category:Nick-o-Rama Category:Transcripts